One of the many reasons couples love the idea of a self-uniting ceremony is because it feels deeply personal and intentional. But once you decide to skip the officiant, there’s usually one immediate realization: now you actually have to figure out what to say. And for those who do not fancy themselves poets, that can feel intimidating.
But there's good news? There are no rules.
A self-uniting ceremony can be emotional, simple, funny, private - truly anything you want it to be.
You don't need a long script or perfectly written vows for your ceremony for it to feel meaningful. Some of the most intimate weddings are also the simplest.
If you’re planning a self-uniting ceremony in Pennsylvania, here are a few ideas and examples to help you get started.
A Simple Self-Uniting Ceremony Structure
One of the best things about a self-uniting ceremony is that you can make it entirely your own. But if you’re feeling stuck, having a loose outline can help everything feel less overwhelming.
A simple ceremony often includes:
- Opening words
- Personal message or story
- Vows
- Ring exchange
- A final declaration or kiss
- Signing the marriage license
That's really all you need.
Simple Opening Lines for a Self-Uniting Ceremony
You do not need to sound overly formal or poetic (unless you want to). There is still meaning in simplicity.
Here are a few ideas:
Simple + Romantic
“Today, we choose each other intentionally, fully, and without hesitation.”
Intimate + Personal
"We're standing here together today because this relationship has become our safest place, our greatest adventure, and our home."
Non-Traditional
"We wanted a wedding day that felt true to us, and standing here together like this feels exactly right."
Family-Focused
"Today is not just about the two of us. It's about the life we've built together and the family we have become."
Example of Self-Uniting Ceremony Script
If you want something short and simple, and not sure where to start, here's an example you can personalize to your ceremony.
Opening
“Today, we are choosing each other freely, intentionally, and wholeheartedly. We are grateful to be surrounded by the people who matter most to us as we begin this next chapter together.”
Personal Words
"You have been my best friend, my support system, and the person I want beside me through every season of life".
Vows
"I promise to continue choosing you every single day. I promise to support you, respect you, laugh with you, and build a life with you that is honest and full of love."
Ring Exchange
“With this ring, I choose you today and every day after.”
Closing
“Today we marry each other not because tradition says we should, but because this is the life we choose together.”
What If You Don't Want Traditional Vows?
You absolutely do not need traditional vows.
During a self-uniting ceremony, some couples:
- Read letters to each other
- Share memories
- Tell the story of how they met
- Exchange private promises
- Keep things extremely short
- skip vows altogether
Again, there are no rules for a self-uniting ceremony, do what you choose to make it meaningful.
Tips for Writing Your Own Ceremony
Keep It Short
You don't need a 20-minute ceremony (unless you want it!) for it to feel emotional and memorable.
Speak Normally
Write the way you actually talk. Your ceremony should sound like you, don't relay too heavily on ChatGPT or the internet.
Focus on Meaning Over Perfection
No one remembers whether your wording was perfect. They remember how the moment felt.
Practice Out Loud
Read everything out loud beforehand. Hearing it a few times out loud will allow you to make any tweaks and ease some anxiety on the day of.
Knowing who is going to say what before your self-uniting wedding begins helps easy anxiety when it comes to the ceremony. Our simple guide on Who Says What During a Self-Uniting Ceremony walks you through a few different ways couples divide speaking roles and structure their ceremony.
Don't Forget the Legal Side
Even though by nature a self-uniting ceremony is personal and flexible, there are still legal steps that need to be taken for a Pennsylvania self-uniting marriage license.
Our guides on How to Get a Marriage License in Pennsylvania and the Marriage License & Certification Timeline will help you better understand how to request a self-uniting license, the 3-day waiting period, who signs the license, how to return it after your ceremony and more.
Final Thoughts
A self-uniting ceremony gives couples the freedom to create a wedding experience that feels less cookie cutter and more like them. Your ceremony could last 3 minutes or 30, what matters is that it reflects the two people standing there.
And honestly? Sometime the simplest ceremonies end up being the most meaningful ones.
Looking for the perfect venue to host your self-uniting ceremony or a photographer to capture the moment? Browse the Firefly Brides Vendor Directory to discover Central Pennsylvania wedding venues, photographers, florists, and other local wedding professionals.
